Maps
by InsideMyBrain
Summary: Canada's provinces and territories are quite a handful. What with badass stoner Quebec, enigmatic Nunavut, fuckboy Northwest Territories, and so many others, with their own stereotypes and personalities. All in all, they're just as crazy, if not crazier than the countries themselves. T for language and probably sex later. Weekly updates, hopefully.


**A/N: wellp, this wasnt supposed to be good. but it is, so we're just gonna roll with it. By "we", i mean me and my best friend Brushtail (follow her!) So this is a provinces of Canada fic. Countries will make cameos/be mentioned, but all the main characters are OCs. Another thing worth noting, this is kind of based off the show skins, with Quebec as Effy. Because shes amazing. Now, on with the chapter.**

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Canada re-organized his notes. Again. Around the table in the meeting room sat his thirteen provinces and territories. Well, twelve.

"Quebec's still not here," Ontario stated the obvious, with a smirk. "Want me to go look for her?"

Saskatchewan rolled his eyes. "Shut up Ontario, and sit your horny ass back down." Ontario slowly sank back into his chair, his smirk widening.

"Well, I suppose we'll just start the meeting without her." Canada sighed. "So the first item on Mr. Harper's agenda-"

Ironically, at that exact moment the door flew open, revealing a tall girl with wind-blown dark brown hair and fierce hazel eyes. A cigarette dangled casually from her red-painted lips, and her leather combat boots clacked as they struck the tile floor. Her eyes roved around the meeting room, coming to rest on Ontario's. Staring him straight in the face, she dropped her cigarette to the floor and stomped it out with the toe of her boot. She raised her eyebrow in a smirk that reached her eyes, not her lips, and ground the ash into the tile.

"Oh, um, Quebec! You're here." Canada held his breath as she walked directly over to Newfoundland and Labrador and plopped down next to him. "Uh, let's start the roll call. Ontario?"

"Here!"

"Manitoba?"

"Here." He replied without emotion.

"Saskatchewan?"

"Here." Saskatchewan flashed a cheery thumbs-up to Canada, who smiled before continuing.

"Alberta?"

"Here." Alberta raised his hand briefly before letting it fall listlessly.

"British Columbia?"

"Does anyone really call me that?" She giggled. "I'm here."

"Uh, okay. I mean, sorry, BC. Nova Scotia?"

"Yeah," he replied, never taking his eyes off BC.

"New Brunswick?"

"JOHN CENA!" He cried, fist-pumping. The other provinces either grinned or rolled their eyes.

Quebec spoke up then. "Are you fucking kidding me? Hell, I'd make a better country than all of you fuckers put together."

"You mean you'd be a better country than this bitch?" Ontario snickered, gesturing at Canada.

Canada smiled uncomfortably. "Uh, alright. Newfoundland and Labrador?"

"Just Newfoundland." He muttered.

"Okay. Prince Edward Island?"

"In fucking person, yo!" He shouted. New Brunswick scowled.

"Shut up PEI, nobody cares." He groaned. "We all know you're too small to be your own province anyway."

"I happen to have the highest population density in the entire country." He said haughtily.

"I beg to differ," Ontario butted in, "Have you seen the golden fucking horseshoe?"

Everything spiraled downward from there. Ontario, New Brunswick, and PEI started arguing about population and size, while BC started chatting to Yukon about her new manicure she'd gotten the other day, Yukon nodding along but not really listening. Quebec and Newfoundland lit up in a corner of the room, and Alberta started blasting Anaconda through the speakers he'd managed to hook up.

Speaking of hooking up... Canada suddenly snapped to attention. "What the fuck, Northwest? Manitoba? I thought you were straight!"

Breaking their sloppy kiss, Northwest Territories just shrugged, grinning. "He's about as straight as a moose's antlers." Manitoba deadpanned.

"You're about as straight as maple syrup!" NWT shot back.

Canada sighed. "That doesn't even make sense. Newfoundland, Quebec, could you please _not_?"

Newfoundland blew smoke out of his mouth in response while Quebec flipped him the bird.

Nunavut, tired of the other provinces' bullshit, stood up. "Everyone, shut the hell up!" He yelled. "There are things to do today and the sooner we do them, the sooner we can go home so let Canada speak!" He sat back down, glaring at the others. Especially Northwest.

Surprised, everyone stopped talking and turned to look at him. Nunavut rarely spoke to the other provinces and territories.

"Thank you, Nunavut." Canada said, grateful for the intervention. "I suppose we can assume everyone is here. Let's get down to business.

"Most importantly, taxes. People have been complaining about high taxes lately, and our Prime Minister wants to raise them another 2%. On the plus side, this would cover more health bills and fund more careers. However, he could lose votes in the next election – coming this fall, remember."

"Good," came a low but very audible mutter from PEI. Canada chose to ignore him.

"So I need your input so we can make a decision." He finished. "Ontario? What are your thoughts?"

"I dunno, man. Maybe one percent? Two kinda seems like a lot."

"Fair enough," Canada agreed, "New Brunswick?"

"I think we should."

Canada nodded, scribbled something on his notepad. Without looking up, he moved on to the next vote. "Alberta."

"My vote is no," Alberta said coldly. "We pay enough to you already."

"Um. Okay. Quebec?"

Silence.

" _Quebec?_ "

"Yeah, I don't give a shit. I'm high. Just do what you want."

This seemed to fluster Canada, though he tried not to show it. "Alright, uh, no opinion from Quebec. Next… Northwest?"

NWT slung his arm around Manitoba's shoulders. "I'll do whatever Mani wants."

"I just want this meeting to be over!" Manitoba complained. "And don't call me that."

"Fine!" Canada was fed up. "Meeting dismissed, then." He got up, gathered his things, and left. "I can't get a thing done with you little shits around." He muttered to himself. " _Merde._ "


End file.
